Entry One:
Ritual
Waking hours will begin one of two ways on any given weekday. One of such entails abruptly awakening no later than 06:50 to the sound of T-Mobile’s default ringtone, followed by an instruction to ‘come outside’, (or something along the lines of that). He who calls goes by ‘Hammer’ and for what he does usually involves our acquisition of consumable produce.
The other of the two possibilities is that I awake by my mind’s communiqué, which usually takes longer to process than the irrefutability of another human’s voice.
Entry Two:
Relationship
I felt that a description of my connection to Hammer may fit most appropriately here. Accordingly, what follows is as such.
Hammer is my closest comrade within a 600-mile radius of Oxford, Mississippi. Simply put, Hammer provides me with company, comedy, loyalty, and means of travel. I find that our dynamic succeeds through matched work patterns, height of goals, rationale/outlook on society, as well as tenacity; while we exhibit differences in sources of motivation and areas of occupational interest.
Entry Three:
Restriction
I often find that my ego will get the better of me through debating in addition to general closed-mindedness. I often take arguments too far, and/or give off the impression of being egocentric, in going too far to prove that I am right or simply to hold my ground and argue my point.
Moments of reflection have led me to believe that this habit stems from my childhood, as throughout it I have frequently seen the same characteristics in my father. I can only blame myself for blindly mimicking his personality.
Entry Four:
Ritual
Every day (or so) at around 19:30, I go to snap fitness. Accompanied by a friend or a few, I work to build the person that I want to be. I value this ritual because I find confidence in knowing that I consistently work to better myself.
A deeper analysis of this shallowly stated motivation may lead one to suspect that I am actually motivated by a hungry ego, working out solely for the purpose of maximizing my personal valuation.
Entry Five:
Relationship
Of the most popular figures on the figurative list of Those who Relate to Ian Berger is my girlfriend, Natascha. I thoroughly enjoy her company. Unfortunately, she lives in Minnesota not two miles from my home, meaning that she and I are physically separated for the duration of Ole Miss school semesters. Despite the distance between us, Natascha and I see each other almost as frequently as we otherwise would, though we do so via video calls and messages.
Entry Six:
Restriction
One attribute that slows me down in life is my anxiety-like thought process. I often feel that I cannot stop thinking and that I am constantly visualizing real-life scenarios, be them potential futures, alternate pasts, or simply memories. If asked to, I would describe said propensity as overthinking.
Though it is merely a malleable routine, do not always overcome it. One could assert that this ritual’s strength stems from genetically determined characteristics. Conceptually, said assertion only motivates me to charge onward in pursuit of indefinite control over my mind and mood.
Entry Seven:
Ritual
In prioritization of personal progress, my diet has become beneficially habitual. Most days, I consume the same four(ish) meals. First, I get scrambled eggs, potatoes, sausage, biscuits, and gravy for breakfast at Rebel Market. Next, I return to Rebel market for between one and three grilled chicken sandwiches topped with mayonnaise, lettuce, and a tomato slice, only to do the same thing again a few hours later for dinner. Finally, I eat a casual meal in my room, which typically consists of either a protein shake or a smoothie, both accompanied by a solid food such as tuna, rice, or both.
Entry Eight:
Ritual
I have found that in addition to my habit of exerting energy in the gym, I consistently crave engagement in combat sports. I believe that this inclination boils down to a yearn for my acquisition of physical dominance through glorious violence.
Familiarly, one could argue that this is stems from a drive to inflate my self-worth. At this point in time, I have not conceived any contrasting viewpoints to this. As such, this concept remains a considerable possibility in my mind.
Entry Nine:
Restriction
Though it may be more appropriately defined as pressure than a restriction, I find that I fear the immense surface area of my father’s shadow. Though consistently confident, I sometimes ponder the possibility of failure to surpass the achievements of he who came before me and often find anxiety in such.
Entry Ten:
Ritual
I have built a habit out of seeking success over my weaknesses, believing that the greatest challenge to any man lies within the constructs of his own consciousness. This is undoubtedly a life-long battle with no realistic victory to be reached, but it is the idea of perpetual resistance of potential complacency that will lead me to victory in reality’s material battles.
Process Log
11/25/2021
17:00-21:00
Writing Body Paragraphs
21:00-23:00
Revising Structure and Format, Finishing the Product
All work happened in my dorm room.
Total Time: approximately 6 hours
Engagement Level: 9/10