I truly love this blog post for its simplicity of words but its depth of heart.
The way Fiering juxtaposes her memories of her father with those of her beloved brother is soothing to me and helps me to understand the difficulties all families face in the wake of death. It also makes me think about the ways in which we communicate. The way that Fiering and her brother Andrew had so much trouble coming up with a simple engraving for her father’s tombstone…that resonated with me. Her aunt felt like it was such a simple decision, but as brief as the words needed to be, it took months for them to think about it (and thankfully, the aunt just did it for them).
When faced with her brother’s demise, Fiering’s mother had “writer’s block,” when trying to convey her final message to him. Like most faced with death, she wanted to deny it, saying a miracle could still happen. Luckily, Fiering convinced her to tell him her final words.
I laughed when Fiering felt resentment toward her sister-in-law for leaving her voice out of her brother’s tombstone message. It’s so typical of sibling relationships. They are some of the closest bonds we can have, but they become a side note as we enter adulthood.
Of course, Fiering finding that final note from her brother resonated with me as well. It made me think about my own family dynamics. I grew up very close to my younger brother, Billy. We’ve grown apart over the years as we both have families of our own, but regardless of that, each year, he writes me funny birthday cards. I look forward to them every year, and he didn’t disappoint this last week when he gave me a “Happy 40th birthday” card and commenced to talk to me about the troubles of middle age. I AM NOT FORTY, by the way. I’ve got a ways to go for all that. But, it was a hilarious note about the fact that we are all getting older, our children are getting so big, and life’s just charging along like crazy, but to him, we’re still little kids. That’s the beauty of having a sibling. They will always see you as you were then.
Loved this piece. Hope all of you did too. Hope it got you thinking about your family as its own discourse community, with its own strains and its own triumphs.