There I am giggling while we jump into the lit water of the phi mu fountain.

There I am gently stroking paint onto a banner for our porch.

There I am sprinting across the square for chicken on a stick.

There I am speaking of my hometown with my sisters eating creamy frozen yogurt.

There I am dancing my cares away while the lights flash on and off.

There I am sitting in the giant chapter room reading a novel or writing a paper.

I feel pressure from myself more than anyone. I have always had really big goals in life and sometimes they don’t feel like they are going to work out. This pressure usually hinders my performance in many areas because I feel if I can not end where I want to then why should I work as hard as I do sometimes within my work. I had a very hard time in high school with this and pulled back way too hard which is hurting me this year in college. I went from beating myself up for the smallest mistakes to not even caring about the big ones I’m making.

I’ve learned that to keep my inner peace when there are disruptions I have to first ask myself how major that disruption truly is to me. Once this is decided I either handle the problem if it has a major meaning to me or I will allow it to leave my mind and not disturb me.

Things that disrupt my inner peace: change in schedule, fights with loved ones, deaths

If my inner peace is disrupted my heart rate will become raised and I will feel too overwhelmed to eat.

I tend to bite my nails when I am stressed and also will sleep or do just about anything to avoid the issues.

I felt like the breakdown of each section of the paper helped me do the peer review more efficiently. After looking at my review, there weren’t many corrections she made. However, I am struggling to write my essay so it wasn’t very long. My paper still needs a lot of grammar checks, arguing my evidence, and making my author credible in the introduction.

This week has been hard. Anytime I have to do online, even when we do zooms on friday’s it throws my whole mindset off. It moves at too weird of a speed for me and it is overwhelming, so this week has been slightly hard. I will use this weekend to catch up on work and studying for all of my classes.

Being a Woman: fragile, need protecting, weak, emotional

Positive: 

Socially acceptable to not pay for dinner.

Socially acceptable to stay home and not work in marriage.

Negative:

Constantly objectified.

Expected to have kids.

Expected to behave in a “classy/proper” manner at all times.

Expected to clean.

Expected to stay home.