There I am giggling while we jump into the lit water of the phi mu fountain.
There I am gently stroking paint onto a banner for our porch.
There I am sprinting across the square for chicken on a stick.
There I am speaking of my hometown with my sisters eating creamy frozen yogurt.
There I am dancing my cares away while the lights flash on and off.
There I am sitting in the giant chapter room reading a novel or writing a paper.
I feel pressure from myself more than anyone. I have always had really big goals in life and sometimes they don’t feel like they are going to work out. This pressure usually hinders my performance in many areas because I feel if I can not end where I want to then why should I work as hard as I do sometimes within my work. I had a very hard time in high school with this and pulled back way too hard which is hurting me this year in college. I went from beating myself up for the smallest mistakes to not even caring about the big ones I’m making.
I’ve learned that to keep my inner peace when there are disruptions I have to first ask myself how major that disruption truly is to me. Once this is decided I either handle the problem if it has a major meaning to me or I will allow it to leave my mind and not disturb me.
Things that disrupt my inner peace: change in schedule, fights with loved ones, deaths
If my inner peace is disrupted my heart rate will become raised and I will feel too overwhelmed to eat.
I tend to bite my nails when I am stressed and also will sleep or do just about anything to avoid the issues.
I felt like the breakdown of each section of the paper helped me do the peer review more efficiently. After looking at my review, there weren’t many corrections she made. However, I am struggling to write my essay so it wasn’t very long. My paper still needs a lot of grammar checks, arguing my evidence, and making my author credible in the introduction.
This week has been hard. Anytime I have to do online, even when we do zooms on friday’s it throws my whole mindset off. It moves at too weird of a speed for me and it is overwhelming, so this week has been slightly hard. I will use this weekend to catch up on work and studying for all of my classes.
Being a Woman: fragile, need protecting, weak, emotional
Positive:
Socially acceptable to not pay for dinner.
Socially acceptable to stay home and not work in marriage.
Negative:
Constantly objectified.
Expected to have kids.
Expected to behave in a “classy/proper” manner at all times.
Expected to clean.
Expected to stay home.
The school lunches at our school were fairly basic, the cardboard like pizza and chicken nuggets. I grew up eating these lunches when I was little up until we were stable enough to begin packing lunches for the school day. While we were never poor enough to be on any sort of assistant program, there were days where I would fall behind on payments for school lunches. I remember how embarrassed I felt every time the lunch lady told me I owed money. However, this is what makes me appreciate everything I have today and the way I can afford the things I afford now.
I can share my truth through talking about my struggles with being tone deaf. It would bring more awareness to the issue and how hard it is to deal with while covid restrictions are happening. Writing about my hearing problems and also speaking with my teacher I have become more curious with the ways it affects my everyday life because it just normal to me at this point in my life.
I have many intentions for this semester in order to improve myself. My academic intention is to not procrastinate and be prepared for every class period. I feel I struggled with this last semester due to being completely online and now I need to work on getting into the swing of classes again. A personal intention for myself would be to keep my room clean. This will keep me less stressed which will keep me healthy and happy. Lastly, a social intention for myself is to meet new people especially my sorority sisters. I feel we haven’t had much time to get to meet each other and I’d love to get to know them.
These are 5 minute or less quick writes that we’ll complete in class most days. This will also include any in-class writing about the readings that we do. If you don’t bring your tablet/laptop to class every day or if you prefer writing on paper during class, you’ll need to type up and post these after class.