During last semester, I changed so much as a person.. more than I thought anyone ever could in only four months. Reading my first ever daily write reminded me of just hoe excited I was to be at college. I was bright eyed and bushy tailed and ready to begin the best four years of my life. I had visions of drinking all weekend, sleeping all day, skipping class just enough to where I would still pass, I never thought that college could bring any “shitty first drafts” my way. Then shit hit the fan. In my final post last semester I reflect on EDHE, struggling with how much was expected of me in classes, and losing my grandmother. My first post was optimistic and naive quite frankly, picking Ole Miss because I didn’t like the color orange, but my last post gave me new reasons, real reasons, for why I picked Ole Miss; having the support from my friends like Fred, Jeremy, and Mary Catherine and being able to reply on professors like Prof. Jackson and Mrs. B gave me a whole new insight into what being a student at the University of Mississippi means to me. Between August 22nd and December 3rd, my faith was tested in more ways than one: why did she have to pass away so soon, why are these exams so hard, is college even right for me- but by December, my faith was stronger than ever. I knew Ole Miss is where I belonged. Not because they have my major and not because the color orange is no where on campus, but because even when everything goes wrong, this is still the only place I feel like I belong.
Tag: Granny
First Semester Gone Right
I was scared to death when my parents and I drove up to Burns Hall on August 14th. I knew there was no way I could handle this whole “college” thing. I had left my friends, boyfriend, family, my home, everything six hours away back in Atlanta. I’m from Atlanta, a huge city with something going on every night, and now I am being dumped in Oxford, Mississippi, where if you’ve seen Jackson Avenue, you’ve seen it all. I was so scared of failure, but could feel it coming. Would I have to move back home? Would my parents hate me? I remember just praying that God could get me through fall semester.
I remember walking into my dorm room, Burns 102, and meeting my new roommate. But now she is no longer just my roommate, she is my best friend. I remember meeting the kids in my FASTrack cohort. But now they are no longer just classmates, they are the people who get me through the day. I remember seeing my writing professor for the first time, but now she is no longer just my professor, she is someone I can always count on to have my back. I loved it here. I had found my new home and suddenly Atlanta became a memory, a memory that I loved and cherished, but did not yearn for. Everything seemed to be falling into place. It only took a few weeks for me to decide that God had answered my prayers and not only was I going to get through the semester, I was going to enjoy doing it.
But then I got a call. A call that will forever be imprinted into my memory. A call that changed my life. A call from my dad. A call saying my grandmother was in the hospital. A call saying my grandmother probably would never wake up. I threw everything I had in a bag and took off, driving at least 90mph down the highway to get to the Baptist Medical Center in Birmingham. The next day, upon seeing and hearing the heartbeat machine that was hooked up to my best friend flat line, a sound and image I will never forget, my heart was broken. All my doubts about college and making it out on top reappeared. Suddenly all my praises about Oxford vanished as quickly as they appeared. There was nothing else to do, but keep praying.
I came back to school lost and confused. I couldn’t eat or sleep, much less focus on my classes. I thought there was no way I was going to make it to December. And then my roommate brought me to Chi Alpha. A Christian ministry on campus to whom I now owe everything to. A Christian ministry on campus that changed my life. A Christian ministry on campus that I couldn’t live without. Chi Alpha helped me in ways I could have never imagined. I got back on track with school. I became able to cope with the hole in my family. I was going to be able to pass fall semester with flying colors. God had answered my prayers yet again.
We now approach the end of the semester. Finals week is upon us and I am ready. I will end this semester with a 4.0 and I know my grandmother would be so proud. I have a new home, and new friends, an amazing support system in Atlanta, and nothing but joy in my heart. So what’s the key to college? Just keep praying.
**EDHE final paper**
Synthesizing Life
At the beginning of this unit I was confused about the term “synthesis”. I had never really heard it before, or maybe I did, but didn’t know what it meant so I just breezed over it. I came to learn the word to mean connecting two pieces of literature in a way that not only compares, but explains the significance of the comparison. Later we learned, we could relate an article with a video. Pretty cool. But last week I learned I could relate an article, or video, with my life. I began to synthesis the passing of my grandmother with the passing of Frank’s dad, even though that was never an assignment. I saw things differently and used Frank’s struggle with identity after the loss of his parents to help me with my own personal struggles. I’ve never met Frank Snake Church, but if I did tomorrow, I would thank him for helping me cope with my current family situation.
To be honest, I was getting annoyed at the beginning of the unit with the kernel essays. It crossed my mind to drop out of college once or twice. But, when it came time to write the final paper, it became so clear why we did all the kernel essays. I would say writing those were the most helpful in preparing me for the turning in of my synthesis paper. Without those I feel like I would have been lost on where to even start my paper.
I didn’t really have a writing partner due to being absent from class, but I used Alexie as a writing partner and reviewed his work to better mine. When Alexie became too silent (get it? because books can’t talk), Kaitlin helped me a lot in the peer review. I feel she wasn’t totally harsh enough however, which was good for my self esteem, but I’m not sure as good for my paper. Also, having a teacher that cared enough to go on my google doc and make comments and help me better my paper meant the world to me. I loved being reassured I was on the right path, but being pushed to dig a little deeper.
Take aways? Assignments have value that you may not see right away, but will reveal themselves eventually. The power of peer editing is something not to be taken lightly as it could lead to something wonderful. Turns out that what we learn in college, really does have real life appeal. Don’t take anything for granted. Remember to tell your loved ones you love them, no matter how much you think they already know, because you never know when you won’t be able to anymore. But some of these may not be writing related…..
“I’m A Mess”
With the overwhelming events of last week and early on this week, my mind has been clouded. Missing four days of class in college I believe should be means for prescription drugs for stress. Missing Monday and Tuesday this week started me off behind and what’s worse is I can’t even catch up because I still can’t think clearly. Every time I try to study or focus on homework my mind drifts off to thinking about the hole in my family. That being said, I have spent 90% of my time this week in the study room in Burns. Jeremy, Fred, Peyton, and I basically moved into the study room this week, but I suppose it was worth it because I made a 100% on my math test. However, where I excelled in math, I lacked in writing. My paper is struggling and all I can do is just stare at it blankly. I know there is so much more I can do with it, but right now is base level which upsets me because the topic has the potential to be deeper. What can I say? I’m a mess.
Ironic, Isn’t It?
Death provides an interesting insight into a new perspective of life. On one hand, you are devastated and crushed by the loss of a loved one, but on the other it is somewhat of a relief to know that one day the pain and suffering will end. Burying my grandmother today was a whirlwind of emotions. I want so badly to be angry and upset with God, but scripture and Christian music are the only things keeping me sane as of now. Ironic, isn’t it? My grandmother had a disease in which the veins in her legs were unable to pump the blood back up to her heart which resulted in blood pooling in her legs. This led to sores that eventually became infectious. The medicine she took for the sores made her extremely sick, and the medicine she took for the sickness made her kidney fail, and the medicine she took for her kidney made her lungs close up, and the cycle continued. Ever think medicine has advanced too much for our own good? Ironic, isn’t it? A long, sad story short: my grandmother was on life support and given only a few hours to live, but her heart was so strong she made it 36 hours before we saw her heart rate hit zero. My dad says she knew what she was doing, and simply did not want to pick between my sister (a UA grad) and me this weekend during the Ole Miss – Alabama game. My dad always knows the right things to say. It’s hard to think about her not being there for my college graduation or my wedding or anything like that, but I know it’s selfish for those to be the things on my mind. Between the tears today at the graveside service, I saw my grandfather’s tombstone for the first time in 10 years. I think it is kind of morbid to visit cemeteries, and thus never went to visit him after his burial in 2006. As heart wrenching as it was to see Granny in a box, there was also a sense of peace that rushed over me when I got to see my grandparents side by side again. Ironic, isn’t it? I am positive I could use a 15 letter word to describe how I am feeling, but nothing seems as appropriate as sad. Just plain sad. When you die, you don’t get to take anything with you. So everything tangible she worked for for the past 71 years disappears. However, even though she is gone, I know she has touched my heart in a way that will last forever and thus makes her immortal. So maybe the only point of living is to impact the lives of others before you die. Ironic, isn’t it?
“Dream Catchers”
I think I am going to write on option four. I ruled out number three because I am white and do not romanticize Native Americans and I am not sure I even understand what Corliss means when she says that. Prompt two is a touchy subject for me since my boyfriend is African American and my dad does not approve of our relationship and therefore I don’t want my paper to get too opinionated and focused on my specific situation instead of the United States as a whole. I really like both the first and last prompts. The first however, focuses on quests, which includes my personal quest, but quests imply a gain of self knowledge at the end and I have yet to reach the end of my quest and therefore lack the quest-enlightened self knowledge and would rather write on this prompt at the end of senior year perhaps. The final choice instructs me to write on what it means to be college-educated, and with the passing of my grandmother today I am already starting to realize I am learning a lot more in college than book smarts. I am concerned simply about writing my first real college paper and relating all three elements(Ten Little Indians, Dream Catchers video, and my own person testimony) in a cohesive manner that flows properly.