Tag: struggles
Final Epilogue Post 5/4/17
There I was, a senior in high school all high and mighty. I thought I had everything figured out, but little did I know. Honestly, scared out of my mind to step foot on campus. What would happen if I got lost? Who was going to help me? There I was, scared yet cocky at the same time, trying to push away my fears of not being in high school anymore. Fears of not being smart enough. Fears of not being good enough. Would I be forgotten? I was confused. Broken. I was so sure of my decisions, but what if I was wrong? Was my mom right? Can I really not afford to go to this amazing school- financially or academically? In reality, I did not want to admit I was lost just like everyone else was.
During the first week of college, I was beyond stressed out. In a daily write, I said, “I have already done more in a week than I did in the first semester of high school.” As I looked back on this day, I realized that I could not fathom the reality checks I would later have during the end of fall and the second semester. I realized the moments I thought were so bad, were actually nothing compared to things I would later have to go through.
During the fall, I had no idea that I would later change my major and be so much happier than I was. Even though I was terrified to change my major, I knew I was so unhappy with my initial decision. Now, I am great at what I have been doing and I honestly feel at peace. If God has another thing in store for me, which he will, then he will lead me there, but as of right now I feel like this is where he wants me to be.
Throughout the year, I have learned so many things. I have learned to actually write with my heart and truly express my feelings. I have learned how to effectively study, how to manage my time effectively, and that procrastination is not effective. Organizing my classes correctly and pushing aside classes that do not pertain to my major was a big struggle during the fall semester. I was a music major, and that takes so much more time than a lot of other majors. I could not find the right balance.
During the spring semester, I began to get more interested in gender equality and what being a feminist truly means. “I used to be afraid of the words feminism and gender equality. This was mainly because I had learned about them in a negative connotation. Now that I understand them, I know these are not things that should constantly be pushed aside.” Now that I have a lot more experience with these topics, and have done my research on them, I am more comfortable with them. In the beginning of my freshman year, I would have let anything go. Now, I speak up for what I believe in and I take up for myself, I understand my rights, and also speak up for others who are discriminated against.
This semester has not been bad by any means. It has been difficult, but not bad. This year has been one of the worst, yet one of the best years of my life so far. For example, I have made multiple new friends, I have taken more time for myself and my mental health, and I have done really well in all of my classes. I have so much time now that I am not a music major. I am very happy with how this year has turned out for me, but I still went through a lot to get where I am and I have matured a lot since last semester.
My fast track classes like EDHE and writing really helped me, encouraged me, and gave me a huge support system, like my mentors and advisors, throughout this semester. I really felt like I would have freaked out a lot more throughout freshmen year if I would not have had influential people in my life. Although I had a lot of times where I was so stressed out that I did not know what to do with myself, whether it was about changing my major, my classes, my grades, music theory, or long papers, I had a really great freshmen year.
If someone would have told me a year ago, or even 5 months ago, that my life would be the way it is today, I would have called them insane. I would not be able to believe them. To go from a music education major to doubling in math and math education is a huge difference. Last semester, I had no idea this is what I wanted, but I am so much better where I am.
I was good enough. I was smart enough. I was okay. I did get lost, in my own-self and on campus, but I found my way. I fell so many times, but I kept getting back up. I did not have any other choice. I know that these will not be my only struggles. I will always deal with trials throughout my life, especially towards the end of my college career. In order to grow and mature, one has to go through trials to get where they are supposed to be. I would give anything to be able to go back and tell my past self that it was okay to feel afraid. It was okay to not know what I was doing. That even though everything did not turn out as planned, it turned out okay. Life may get worse, but it gets better, too.
Commonplace Book Final Reflection
It is very interesting to go back and look at my first impressions of college. I handled it a lot better than I had initially expected. I am very proud of myself for how well I have handled time management, school work, emotions, and stress.
I had a “reality check” during my very first week at Ole Miss. I said “ I have already done more in a week than I did in the first semester of high school.” I almost expected college to be harder than it is, but it is mainly just different. I enjoy the challenges that have been thrown at me. Of course, I did not like them at the time, but they made me much stronger in the long run.
When Mrs. Buckley assigned the first “long” paper, I nearly had an anxiety attack. I was so nervous because I had never written a paper that long before. I realized that I can not half-way do my work and expect a good grade out of it. In highschool, I do not think I wrote a single outline before a paper, but I also had never written a paper longer than a page and a half. I realized when I started to write my first synthesis paper that I would definitely need to plan my paper out in order to have enough to write about.
Anne Lamott’s “Shitty First Drafts” helped me a lot because it helped me, an extreme perfectionist, realize that writing is a process. Writing is not supposed to be perfect as soon as you begin. It takes a lot of time and patience to write a really good paper.
On one of our daily writes in September, the question was “How have you spent you week?” My answer was, “This week I have spent so much time doing school work and studying. This is how I wanted to spend my week because it makes me feel better in class when I have everything done and studied for.” A few days later I had a mental breakdown. I may have thought this was what I wanted at the time, but really I was overworking myself way too much and really stressing out. Don’t get me wrong, it is a great feeling to have everything done, but there is no need to put this much pressure on yourself. You are a human being. It is okay to take a break and do something for yourself. The human body can only handle so much. I think that self-care is one of the most important things to manage in college.
I have grown so much as a person throughout my first semester of college. I have learned that it is okay to not be perfect. If a C is the best you can do in a class, you can not let that define you.
College has definitely been a learning experience full of struggles, but I have learned so much along the way that will make me a better person in the future.
Unit 3 Reflection 11/4/16
Writing this paper has helped me realize that I honestly am a good writer and I have grown tremendously in my ability to research. The library website has also helped me so much with finding specific things. I have also gotten a lot better at citing sources and giving credibility and ethos to authors. Seeing my progress as a writer has helped me by encouraging me by seeing how far I have come already. My counterclaim argument have me a few challenges here and there, but I am happy with how it turned out and what I ended up writing about. I had challenges with finding a topic that I wanted to write about and that I could write a lot about. I ended up changing from my original topic because it was not specific enough, but I am happy with what I ended up writing about. Writing is definitely a process and I have learned that more and more as I struggle with patience and time management. I really liked when we did the memes about our papers also because it helped me realize that I was not the only person struggling.